Real World Etiquette

Hey folks,
This is me. As in not DeadRabbit or Chester but the secretary who's been writing this all down. And I have a real-life story to relay. Hot of the presses, kids. This happened to me just two days ago.

I am not an athelete. But I have a friend who is an ex-athlete. She's convinced me to go to the gym with her to exercise. I was not prepared for "locker room" etiquette. There be rules. And there be rules that are up for debate. For instance, a rule that is up for interpretation is "how does one walk from the locker to the shower room?" Some girls take that walk buck naked. And then there is the crowd, myself included, that wrap a towel around themselves. A firm rule? When you are in the shower stall with the flimsy curtain that doesn't quite cover the opening, you do not look in someone else's stall. Firm rule....never broken. There might be a glance to see if a stall is occupied but that's it.

This story concerns a rule I thought was a firm rule. Never to be broken. Inviolate. Ach! Not so.....

Two days ago, my friend and I were in the locker room post work-out. And I decided to use the sauna. The rule about the sauna room? You don't chit-chat in there. Unless you are just entering at which point you can nod at someone or, if you are members of the same team, you can talk to each other. But otherwise, silence and sweating.

I walked up to the sauna room and I should have KNOWN that trouble was heading towards me. Because there was a woman in there with her leg propped up on a stool. Yes, get the image in your head: she was standing in a small sauna room, buck naked, with one leg propped up on a stool. She was AIRING her nether regions. What???? Airing of the nether regions???? NO! No, that is so not allowed. But my back hurt and my friend was behind me, so I walked into the sauna room anyway and took a seat.

And this girl turns around and starts to chit chat. A lot. What???? Stop...stop talking. You were just airing yourself and now you are talking to me????? Ach! I am handling this....I'm polite...but inside my head I'm screaming, "no, no, no." Finally, my friend says, "we should take a shower." Okay DO NOT CUE cheezy porn music. She did not mean "we" as in some sort of group shower. She meant we as in everyone in their individual stalls. But I wasn't sure this girl knew what she meant. Because she nodded and started to head toward the showers.

I stalled. I gave her a couple of minutes in the shower room. When I figured I was safe I went in. And then I heard (because lord knows I didn't look)...I heard her blowing her nose in the shower. Yes, blowing her nose in the shower...with volume....and substance.

I died. Literally. Right there. Take me now because there is no reason to go on.

--Rabbit, Girl Friday extraordinaire, who did not die but has lived to tell the tale.

For more, gym/bathroom/public "private space" etiquette, you should really check out A View From Behind's take on the matter.